A woman has a greater chance of being hit by lightening than to get married or remarried after the age of 40.Say what? I wonder who was polled for that statistic? I'm not sure how accurate it is, but I do know that the competition in that particular age group is fierce . It's a lot harder as you get older. Mixing families, dealing with ex's, dragging along excess baggage etc...makes it more complicated. Like relationships needed to be any harder!
Wading through that dating cesspool in expensive designer shoes gets old...really, really old--really fast. So how does a woman crawl out of the cesspool with a good guy in one arm and her Manolo Blahniks unscathed in her other? She understands how to avoid the most common dating blunders.
Wading through that dating cesspool in expensive designer shoes gets old...really, really old--really fast. So how does a woman crawl out of the cesspool with a good guy in one arm and her Manolo Blahniks unscathed in her other? She understands how to avoid the most common dating blunders.
TOP 8 DATING BLUNDERS WOMEN MAKE
1. Doesn't Spend Enough "Alone Time" After a Relationship Ends2. Doesn't Really Know What She Wants or Needs
3. Has Too Much Emotional "Baggage"
4. She's Too Clingy, Needy, Jealous or Possessive
5. She Assumes He Can be "Fixed"
6. Gives up the Booty Too Quickly
7. Says the "L" Word Too Soon or Before He Does
8. Plays "Head Games" or Brings DRAMA to the Table
Making these mistakes can be detrimental, if not fatal to the longevity of any relationship. So how can a woman avoid them? It's a matter of understanding a few basic rules for disaster, applying simple principles of human nature and combining it with man's thought process. Applying this knowledge to your dating situation will help you elude the blunders that so often leave you saying "I wish I hadn't done that," or "What the heck just happened?" It's easier said than done, I know. We are such emotional creatures and it's hard to see the forest through the trees when it comes to someone we really like. Keeping your sights on the end goal of finding a good guy and keeping him can oftentimes keep you logically grounded. The Women Men Adore and Never Want to Leave
#1. Doesn't Spend Enough "Alone Time" After a Relationship Ends
Rebounds don't work. If a woman jumps from the frying pan to the skillet, it's a rare possibility that the new relationship is going to survive. Why? A. You need time to figure out what went wrong in the last relationship and B. You need to be comfortable in your own skin. You need to be totally okay being alone.
I have known more people than I can count that end one relationship and within two weeks are diving back into another. The sad thing is that the cycle repeats itself over and over again and inevitably results in the same failed outcome. You have to figure out what mistakes were made in the last relationship to figure out what NOT to do in the next one. Every single life experience, no matter if it's good or bad, has a positive angle from some perspective. It's your mission to grow from it.
I have asked many of the people who go from one relationship to the next why they don't just take a break and regroup--get to know themselves and be alone. The answer is usually something like: "It takes my mind off of what's-his-name or what's-her-name". So what they are saying is that because it is too painful to deal with, the next poor schmuck has been chosen as a pain-buffer. This tells me that the total relationship will be based on a lie. Where can it possibly go from there?
Being in a relationship does not make you a complete person. Being with someone else should compliment you, not complete you. You absolutely must be a whole person on your own and your guy has to be a whole person. Anything less than that is called co-dependency. Co-dependent relationships have an extremely high failure rate. Give yourself time to adjust to being alone and feel comfortable with that. After all: True Love will find you when you ready and least expecting it!
#2. Doesn't Really Know What She Wants or Needs
At this age, you should be keenly aware of your deal-breakers. Yet so many women I know keep choosing the wrong type of man then she wonders why it didn't work out long-term. I've asked them: "What exactly do you look for in a mate?" And the answer be-bops around looks and occupation and what kind of car he drives! I hate to tell them: looks fade, occupation is not who he is and material things are just things! What about the fundamental values? Kids, parenting, religion, politics etc... ? The core values--what we believe in as a couple makes a relationship thrive. For example: I know of a lady in her mid 40's who has two children. She likes to date men who are younger and wanting to have a family of his own. She does NOT want another baby, yet he does. For whatever reason, she waits until she's six months into the relationship before this becomes an issue. Is she hoping he will change his mind about wanting children? That's a deal-breaker and she ends up heart-broken because he moves on to date a woman with more similar desires about family. I've seen the same thing with other big issues--deal-breaking issues. Why waste your time or your heart on a match that isn't going to work?
Since you are taking some time off between relationships, you have time to make a list of your must-haves and your deal-breakers. Take this time to get to know yourself and what is really important to you. This will help you tremendously choose the right partner for you! To thine own self be true!
#3. Has Too Much Emotional Baggage
At this age you already have baggage, be it children or an ex or a sick parent or financial troubles or what have you. Before venturing into the dating cesspool you must be clear and free of any excess. Fix anything that you can fix: repair your credit, pay off your debt, stabilize your career path and be strong on your own two feet. It's not fair for you or the person you become involved with to help you out of your mess, emotionally or otherwise.
Having emotional baggage makes you extremely vulnerable. This does not work in your favor. You will either attract a man who will take advantage of your vulnerability or who will see you as weak and needy. Either way, you lose. Who wants to be with a man who is with you because he feels sorry for you? Or worse yet, sees you as easy prey? Bad men like to hunt vulnerable women--it makes you an easy target for abusive treatment. No woman needs that.
#4. She's Too Clingy, Needy, Jealous or Possessive
All of these qualities REEK insecurity and desperation.
None of these qualities are attractive. In fact, any of these things will drive a man away faster than anything. No one wants to feel owned, smothered, mistrusted or trapped. You will never in a gazillion years be able to hold onto a man if you are any of these things. Men want a woman who is confident and secure in herself. He wants to feel that he has some freedom in his life. If you want respect from a man, you have to give him a little slack in the reigns otherwise he will buck you all the way. RELAX. Let him come to you on his own terms. Back him into the corner by being too clingy or possessive and he's going to come out swinging and fighting for his space.
When I first started dating my guy, he had been seeing someone else casually and non-exclusively a few months before we became involved. Although he had broken it off with this other woman a few months prior, she would not go away. She called him several times daily, leaving message after message, despite the fact that he had not returned her calls for months. She texted him at least 15 times daily, as well, even though he did not respond. This went on for the first two months that we dated. She even went as far as calling his ex-wife (whom she had never met) and his mother (whom she had never met). After that, he called her and spelled it out for her again. He told her that he had no feelings for her at all and that he wanted her to leave him alone. He even threatened a restraining order. Did she stop? NO!!!!!! The phone calls and text messages became more frequent! She had even come to the house and vandalized his property. It got to the point where he had no choice but to file a restraining order against her.
I was embarrassed for her. She made me embarrassed to be a woman! In my wildest dreams would I ever have that little self-respect that I would chase someone to the point of having to take legal action to keep me away. I would be humiliated! The man is the hunter. If he wants you, you will know it. The harder you chase him, the faster he will run away!
#5. She Assumes he Can be Fixed
If he is broken, you CANNOT fix him.
That reminds me of a joke:
It was her wedding day and she was really nervous. She was terrified that she was going to forget what she was supposed to do. Sensing her fear, her Priest said gently, "Just remember. You are going to walk down the isle, stand in front of the alter and face your husband-to-be. I'll tell you what to say after that." With that, she felt a little better, so she tried to memorize what the Priest had told her. Can you imagine the look on the groom's face as his bride walked toward him mumbling to herself "Isle. Alter. Him. Isle. Alter. Him."?
Besides helping him with his wardrobe or appearance, you can't expect him to change. We women think, for whatever reason, that if we love him enough, we can mold him into our idea of a perfect mate. He is who he is and unless you can accept him just as he is, you will not change him no matter how much you love him or do for him. This is where Blunder #2 comes into play: Know Exactly What You Want and Need in a mate. Otherwise you will spend the rest of your life spinning your wheels and getting nowhere. Men Made Easy
#6. She Gives up the Booty Too Quickly
I know so many women who believe that if a man has sex with her then he is committed to her. WRONG!!! To a man, sex is sex and love is something altogether different. Some women use their sexuality to try to land a man. C'mon, ladies! Like a man would turn down sex? Ever? Not likely. No matter how you look, there is a man out there that will have sex with you. It's primitive in their nature. I'm not saying he won't see you if you give it up too soon, but it does throw up a red flag.
Think about it. If you are willing to throw it on him on the first, second or even third date, what is that telling him about you? Exactly: that you do that with all of your potential suitors. A basic fundamental of human nature is the premise that people want what they can't have. This has been the staple of sales and closing the deal since the beginning of time. It is also applicable in this case. Keep him wanting it long enough for you to get to know each other. If you want to be with this man long-term and be more than just some booty call at 3:00 O'clock on a Saturday morning after the bars have closed...then wait to jump in the sack with him. Make sure he is what you want, you are what he wants and nail down an exclusive, committed arrangement before surrendering that booty. Just because you have sex with the guy doesn't mean the cat's in the bag.
#7. Says the "L" Word Too Soon or Before He does
The man is the Hunter. He is the one who ultimately chooses. If the hunt is too easy, there's no challenge and therefore the "thrill of the kill" is gone. Let your guy tell YOU how he feels. Probably one of the easiest ways to scare off a prospect is to back him into a corner with "love" talk before he is ready. When the "L" word comes into play, most men know that his life is going to change. Now he is going to have to worry about being responsible for your feelings and have to answer to someone else. If he is not ready to do this, he will back away quietly or run like hell.
As women, when we feel an emotion such as love, we want to tell everyone, including him. But hold back. Wait. Patience is a virtue and the last thing you want when you fall in love with someone is to scare them off with your words. A man will say it when he is ready and not before. (At this age, I hope you know that if he says it on the second date, he just wants in your pants.) Outside of that, let him come to you.
#8.Plays "Head Games" or Brings Drama to the Table
Can you say manipulation? I know many women who play games to get her man to react the way that she thinks he should react. Watch out, ladies. You may just get the opposite result of what you were going for. As much as we'd like them to, men do not think like we do---not even close.
I know of a lady who wanted to test how much her man cared about her by trying to make him jealous. One night when they were out, she began flirting with another man while her boyfriend was in the men's room. When she saw him coming toward her, she flirted more. She continued to do this throughout the evening. Finally her man had had enough and left her at the bar. Later she discovered that he was going to ask her to move in with him that evening. But after seeing her reckless disregard for his feelings, decided to end the relationship. Instead of playing games, just deal with the issues head on and with honesty. It will not only gain you some respect, but it won't have such an adverse effect.
Men can handle a certain degree of maintenance when it comes to their women. What they can't handle is drama. Keep these things always in check: 1. Your temper 2. Your class and 3. Your dignity. Choose your battles wisely, always keeping your words soft and sweet because you may have to swallow them later. Don't sweat the small stuff. No one likes a negative woman who gripes about things that really don't matter. And always remember to conduct yourself with class and dignity. This will earn his respect and it will also set a precedent as to how you want to be treated by him. If you don't manipulate him with head games and incessant drama, he will stick around and put an end to your wading through the dating cesspool days for good.
Woman to WomanThere is Life After What's-His-Name by Susan Russo
The Women Men Adore and Never Want to Leave by Bob Grant
Men Made Easy by Kara Oh
The Women Men Adore and Never Want to Leave by Bob Grant
Men Made Easy by Kara Oh
